Read this if you find your validation in others

Deep ✨

Finding or getting your sense of self worth in and from other people is very human, but also fleeting. If we find our validation – our worthiness, our feeling of ‘being important or special’ – in our friends, the opposite sex, our parents or strangers on the internet, we have to go back to them for it every single time. And that isn’t very comforting OR sustainable, is it?

The point is, we all do it. We all want to be recognized and seen by other people. We all want other people to want us, or to want to be us. We all want to know that we are worthy, so we look for signs that show us that we are smart, kind, beautiful or interesting.

Why we do it

We need this validation from other people because we are social beings, and getting validated feels like we are part of a group, like we are ‘in’. For our ancestors, and still in a different way today, this social status increases our probability for staying alive.

But although we are practically worthless on our own in the biological and evolutionary sense, our worthiness as a person, as a human being, as a young woman, does NOT require validation from others (or at all).

Why it’s bad news

And if we do feel the need for validation – which is completely normal – we should stay away from finding it in compliments, likes or envy from others. This validation is usually timely and very superficial. It is usually only a poorly found appreciation of our body, our beauty, or our general likability in the eyes of others.

But even if the validation we get from others is true, profound and justified (say, the unconditional love you get from a parent, or the appreciation of your talents by a friend) we should refrain from being dependent on their judgement. The point is, if we find our sense of self worth in something outside of us, on something that is as timely and fleeting as another person, we have to go back to them for it every single time.

We all know the girl who fishes for compliments all the time, don’t we? Or we all know the feeling of being someone’s obsession, but somehow it doesn’t feel like you are valued enough just yet. We have all told our mom ‘Well I know you think I’m beautiful, but that’s just you.’

This shows that someone else’s validation never fully satisfies our ego. And it shouldn’t. Because as you might already know, things that appeal to the ego are hardly ever good news to the soul. The kind of validation that we look for in others, can by its external, superficial and temporary nature never truly give us a sense of self worth.

What now?

So, where do we find our validation, then? It has to be a source that is not temporary, that is not external, that does not run out and that is profound and universally true. But where you find it varies from person to person.

For a religious soul, this might be God. For a spiritual one, this is Source, energy, connectedness or the universe. An atheist might find it in self-realization or a humanist view on identity and self. But basically everyone could find it in their humanity, their talents, their kindness, their special role within society, or the fact that you are here, now, and you are you – perfectly different from everyone else but similar enough to always be part of the whole.

If you ever feel let down by someone else because they don’t validate you, remember that your worthiness is not tied to their timely opinion. That you weren’t willing to come back for another shot of validation every single day anyway. That like Sagan said, ‘we are all made from starstuff’. And there is nothing any other human can do about that.

So whether you have many friends or no friends at all, whether you have 1k likes on Instagram or 1, whether people call you beautiful or people call you ugly, your worth remains the same and untainted. Always.

xx Coco

My lazy week

Deep ✨, Lifestyle 🏃🏼‍♀️

Remember my last blog? I wrote that taking time for myself right before I need it is essential in juggling many things at once. Well, this week I decided that it was time for me to put this into practice. After reaching many goals and having very busy weeks at work, I decided to be lazy this week. Let me share what this looks like, for me.

I eat whatever I want

After losing 6 kg last year, and losing almost 2 more since January, I realised that I was on the right track towards my wedding-weight, and I could let a little more loose when it comes to food. On the regular, I eat quite healthy without trying, because I eat intuitively. But the last months I had been a little more strict with myself in making exceptions.

So this week, I can eat everything my ‘pre-wedding’-me wouldn’t allow herself. I have my oatmeal with syrup instead of fruits. I have white carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner some days. I just eat whatever I want, no restrictions. To some, this is normal. To me, this is ‘letting loose’ and allowing myself some room to breathe (and snack ;)).

I don’t have to move my body

Ok, I have to admit, I do my stretching and walking every day still. But the thought of not having to do it this week is freeing. At the beginning of the week, I already accepted the possible effects of eating less healthy and not moving my body I could see at the end of the week. So I am fine anyway, and just stretch and walk because and when I want to. Not because I make myself do it.

I reflect and socialise at work

Since I have been so busy with deadlines and tasks the past few weeks, I really needed some time and space at work to reflect on what I am doing, and to catch up with my colleagues. I planned this time in my agenda, because I felt like I deserved this.

Hard work only works for me when I can alternate with social time and reflection. I’m simply not the type of person who can be on fire every day, and that’s fine. So this week means a lot of alone time AND being social, instead of running from A to Z at work.

I am lazy

Normally, I like having a tidy house and tight schedule. This week however, I allow myself to be more lazy and nonchalant about.. well, everything. I allow myself some space to be imperfect, and to not do things that I don’t want to do. If there’s laundry on the floor – great. If there’s some dishes in the kitchen – let them be. If there’s a right way and an easy way – take the easy way.

The result was a messier house, and a lot of ‘wasted’ time doing nothing productive at all (unless tanning counts as productivity ;)). But this week, that was the absolute dream.


All in all, this week gave me some time and space to breathe, and to be more human. Being imperfect can be really liberating (a friend on Instagram thought me this last week 🙂 so I decided to put this to practice right away). This week gave me room to enjoy being a human being, with small simple quirks and needs.

Phases like these show me that there is magic in the simple things, that not being superhuman is also really fun and fulfilling. It inspired me to be more raw, more myself and more vulnerable on this platform and on the Coco-Instagram. To show more of my talents, to allow more spirituality and unknown into this area. So stay tuned for that!

However, this week also reminded me why I love my planned, healthy & productive life. As sweet as it was to let loose, I can’t wait to get back on track on Monday. But first, I’m going away for the weekend to eat unhealthy food and do nothing productive at all with friends. And I’m going to completely enjoy it!

Happy Easter everyone! xx Coco

You’re not trying to win life

Geen categorie

This morning I learned that sometimes, selfcare is letting go of all your routines and goals for the day. I woke up at 6 am, after having a week of little sleep and lots of work. I had been hard on myself all from monday through friday, kept waking up early, telling myself to ‘just push through’. So this morning I did my make up, started my morning routine, but when I opened my book to read – I broke.

Breaking point

I had what you would simply call ‘a bad day’. I didn’t have enough sleep, lost a few followers on Instagram, gained a little weight, just started having my period, and somehow my mourning routine took a lot of time and effort. While I realise these are all minor things on a good day, this morning I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

I had worked so hard towards my goals, and now I felt that no matter how hard I ‘pushed through’, I was failing them all. I felt like just wasn’t good at anything I tried, like I was a complete failure. I felt like this was proof that I was trying to do something that just wasn’t for me. But then I realised that what I wanted was a lot and that I was being very hard on myself. I was juggling many new goals and dreams, and wanted to be perfect at them all.

So after crying and hating myself for a few good minutes, I decided to be easy on myself today. I removed my make up again, made myself a tea and a hot compress for my belly, and went back to bed. When I was all warm and cozy again, I made a list in my head of all the things I was actually doing really well.

Nothing in nature blooms all year

I praised myself for waking up all week at 6 am, even though I didn’t get enough sleep any of those nights. I praised myself for staying on track with my blogs and Instagram posts, and for the fact that I gained 600 followers just one week after starting my page. I praised myself for not having one drink in 1,5 months, and having kept up with my reading, stretching, walking, meditating and journalling since the beginning of the year. I also kept the promise to myself to not buy any cheap/unethical clothing and to eat more healthy and plantbased. And most of all, I praised myself for starting my dream: this website!

So picked myself up, got out of bed and tried to rock the day again! No, just kidding. I didn’t. I stayed in my pyjamas all day and moved important tasks to next week. There. Nothing in nature blooms all year. And some days, it’s important to take these words seriously. Some days are for staying in bed, and loving yourself for how far you’ve come. For realising that bad days aren’t ‘failing’ or ‘a set-back’, but actually very important to keep your sanity and get new insights.

Sometimes, you need to realise that no one is perfect (and no, perfectionism is NOT a good character trait), so don’t try to win a race you never wanted to be in anyway. You can’t give 100% all the time, and your growth and transformation isn’t linear. And that despite all these things, you are doing a really, really good job at life. Enjoy it!

xx Coco