You get what you ask for

Deep ✨

I am a firm believer of asking the universe for what you want. I have manifested many things by simply ‘throwing it out there’ or assuming that I’m somehow magically gonna get what I want. And I often tell other people that life is actually on our side. That you can get what you want, without much effort. The only thing is: you have to know what it means to ask.

Asking is not demanding

First of all, you have to realize that asking something from life is posing a question, not demanding a specific thing. You can’t be too focused on one outcome, and you have to be open to whatever answer comes your way.

Because with every question, there is a chance that you might not like the answer. But if you ask the universe, I have learned, you will always get an answer. If you demand, however, you will be left disappointed. And that’s because..

You don’t always know what’s best for you

Like I said, life is on your side. This doesn’t mean you always get what you want, because what you want might be bad for you. Think about wanting to be with the guy who is actually bad news – you might want it, but if you honestly ask the universe, chances are you’re not getting what you want because it’s not what best for you.

Do you know the saying: Rejection is actually God’s protection? Right. That’s why demanding doesn’t work, and you have to be open to whatever answer you get. And there’s another reason..

You might miss the magic

When you focus too much on one specific thing that you want, there’s a chance you might not recognize it when it’s right in front of you. When you ask for the perfect body or the perfect boyfriend, you might have a very clear but very wrong picture of what the best possible body or boyfriend looks like for you.

So the universe might actually answer your prayers and give you what you want, but you won’t see that it’s right in front of you because you’re still focused on a completely different picture. You’re looking for mr. Right with blonde hair, while the perfect guy for you (who coincidentally has black hair) has been asking you out for weeks. And that is why…

It takes wisdom

We often don’t realize that we got what we asked for, until we have become wiser versions of ourselves and look back on past time. We can only see in hindsight that what we wanted was right there for all this time. Because we need wisdom to see and appreciate what life has in store for us. Opening our hearts to the fact that life is on our side, will open your eyes to see that it always, always gives us what our hearts ask for. 

And even though this means that you don’t always get the specific thing you demand, this does mean that you can trust life with your questions – and that they will be answered in the best possible way.

xx Coco

The 7 pillars of my theory of life

Geen categorie

The other day, my fiancé and I were high on Athletic Greens and on our daily walk. Somehow, we landed on the subject of purpose and our personal reason to live. Even though I don’t necessarily tie purpose and ‘the ideal life’ tightly together, we had a sudden urge to come up with ‘categories’ or ‘themes’ that add value to our lives. Categories which, if we would invest in each of them for the rest of our lives, would contribute to living a fulfilled and meaningful life. These are the categories that we came up with ‘to live a good life’.

1. Health/fitness

Being healthy is the first category because it is an presupposition of anything else in life, or to have a life at all. It is only when you have (a certain level of) your health, that you can think about the quality of your life, and how you want to live it.

Do you remember the Maslow-pyramid? If our basic needs aren’t met, and we worry about our health, we can’t think about or be bothered with any category that follows. So firstly: if you want a fulfilling life, invest in your health.

2. Relationships

Relationships (in the broadest way) are second, because we human beings are social creatures. We need each other to survive, to feel part of something bigger, to share with and learn from, and to be happy. Being lonely is literally unhealthy and life-defeating for human beings.

So whether you are an introvert or an extravert, in other to live a good life you need to have (some) meaningful relationships. This can vary from the love of your life, to colleagues or even distant acquaintances. Value what they add to your life, and invest the important relationships in your life.

3. Ethics

Another category that stems from the fact that we are social animals, is ethics. In order to live a fulfilling life, we need to have some sense that we are a good person or that we contribute to something bigger than ourselves. This is why altruism feels so good, and why helping others gives us a real sense of purpose.

So unless you are a psychopath (not even kidding), listen to your need to be good, to do good, and to therefore feel good. Get your values straight, and act in alignment with them (=integrity). In other words: invest in being a good person, at least the majority of your time.

4. Intellectual development

Intellectual development is a category that, in contrast to the previous one, does not rule out psychopaths. However, not everyone has a indefinite need for intellectual development in order to feel fulfilled. However, I would argue that development in the broader sense – i.e. forever learning, making progress – is something that is inherent to the human race.

If you don’t learn, you stay the same person forever. And you will rob yourself of many beautiful new insights, experiences, and knowledge life has to offer. So: keep learning, and tickle that brain every now and then. 🙂

5. Aesthetics

I know what you’re thinking: art and aesthetic experience is not essential for everyone. Not many people look at a painting or read a book and think: this just makes my life so much more fulfilling! However, I would argue that for human beings, aesthetics do have an important say in whether we are happy and live a meaningful life or not.

First of all, art is often seen as a way to understand (parts of) life in a different way than we are used to. In this way, art can contribute to category 4, 6 of 7. Secondly, art is a luxury: something many people only have time and energy for when everything else in their life is somewhat amazing. So, your interest for art can be a good indication that you’re on the right track.

Finally, aesthetic experience cannot only be found in art, but also in daily life, other people, or nature. The fact that we find some things way more beautiful than others, is deeply ingrained into the most primal parts of our brain. We are evolved to find things that help us survive (water, sunlight, colorful flowers and animals) literally more pretty than things that would hurt or kill us, because they represent prosperity.

Even though the need for this ability is a little outdated, you can use it to your advantage. Walk in nature more, enjoy a beautiful museum or a sunset, read a good book, and see how this seemingly shallow attraction makes your life more fulfilling.

6. Spirituality

Ok. This is a hard one. I do want to keep this one on the list, because spirituality adds meaning and fulfillment to many many lives. This can vary from traditional religion like Christianity or Islam, to new age or even merely believing ‘there is more to life’ or karma.

However, I don’t want to argue that you need to be spiritual person (in any way whatsoever) to live a good life. I don’t believe you’ll go to hell, and I don’t think (unless you feel it) that you miss out on a whole lot. Now that I have become more spiritual as a person, I do see how it adds great value to my life, and makes many things more easy, understandable or meaningful.

In that way, I would definitely say that I live a better life now than when I was younger (and more atheist, haha). I would also definitely say that I would miss out on one of the most valuable and important parts of life. But if you don’t feel the need for spirituality at all, and you are completely fulfilled without anything ‘woo woo’, please feel free and skip this category.

7. Joy

Joy is really the icing on the cake here – except for this cake, icing is quite essential because otherwise the taste will be quite bitter. You see, you can be super fit, have amazing relationships, be a good person, keep learning, have aesthetic experiences, and pray or meditate everyday. But if you’re not enjoying life, none of this really really feel as meaningful or fulfilling to you.

Even though I’m not a hedonist, and I definitely wouldn’t say that joy is the ultimate goal and purpose, I do think hedonist have a (small) point. None of the other categories will fulfill you if you don’t enjoy investing in them, or investing in them doesn’t bring you joy. A little fun (or better: a lot of it) is important to be able to keep up with these categories, and to feel fulfilled in the process.

Do you, like my fiancé feel a need to have certain categories in your life that you can work on? I think they can be very helpful to reflect on your life now and then, and see which categories you want or need more of. Let me know if this theory of life helps you out!

xx Coco

You’re not trying to win life

Geen categorie

This morning I learned that sometimes, selfcare is letting go of all your routines and goals for the day. I woke up at 6 am, after having a week of little sleep and lots of work. I had been hard on myself all from monday through friday, kept waking up early, telling myself to ‘just push through’. So this morning I did my make up, started my morning routine, but when I opened my book to read – I broke.

Breaking point

I had what you would simply call ‘a bad day’. I didn’t have enough sleep, lost a few followers on Instagram, gained a little weight, just started having my period, and somehow my mourning routine took a lot of time and effort. While I realise these are all minor things on a good day, this morning I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

I had worked so hard towards my goals, and now I felt that no matter how hard I ‘pushed through’, I was failing them all. I felt like just wasn’t good at anything I tried, like I was a complete failure. I felt like this was proof that I was trying to do something that just wasn’t for me. But then I realised that what I wanted was a lot and that I was being very hard on myself. I was juggling many new goals and dreams, and wanted to be perfect at them all.

So after crying and hating myself for a few good minutes, I decided to be easy on myself today. I removed my make up again, made myself a tea and a hot compress for my belly, and went back to bed. When I was all warm and cozy again, I made a list in my head of all the things I was actually doing really well.

Nothing in nature blooms all year

I praised myself for waking up all week at 6 am, even though I didn’t get enough sleep any of those nights. I praised myself for staying on track with my blogs and Instagram posts, and for the fact that I gained 600 followers just one week after starting my page. I praised myself for not having one drink in 1,5 months, and having kept up with my reading, stretching, walking, meditating and journalling since the beginning of the year. I also kept the promise to myself to not buy any cheap/unethical clothing and to eat more healthy and plantbased. And most of all, I praised myself for starting my dream: this website!

So picked myself up, got out of bed and tried to rock the day again! No, just kidding. I didn’t. I stayed in my pyjamas all day and moved important tasks to next week. There. Nothing in nature blooms all year. And some days, it’s important to take these words seriously. Some days are for staying in bed, and loving yourself for how far you’ve come. For realising that bad days aren’t ‘failing’ or ‘a set-back’, but actually very important to keep your sanity and get new insights.

Sometimes, you need to realise that no one is perfect (and no, perfectionism is NOT a good character trait), so don’t try to win a race you never wanted to be in anyway. You can’t give 100% all the time, and your growth and transformation isn’t linear. And that despite all these things, you are doing a really, really good job at life. Enjoy it!

xx Coco