Self-improvement fatigue

Deep ✨

It’s a new year again. And I love new beginnings. I always have goals and dreams for the future, and any type of clean slate makes me feel motivated to achieve them. However, in 2020 I started a self-improvement journey, including journalling and everything, that really excited me and gave me a strong sense of accomplishment that I haven’t been able to feel again.

It’s one of those things that really bugs me about life. You can never really have the same intense feelings as the very first time you felt them. And in the self-improvement area, this can be extra bugging and disappointing. Because the very thing that made you believe you can pretty much do anything is now missing, and this very same thing makes you feel like it’s your own fault.

It’s not like I don’t set or reach goals anymore. I still grow and learn everyday, both intentionally and ‘at random’. But there was something very satisfying in checking off to-do lists everyday, and have a moment of reflection at least once a week. I know how to do these things, and I could force myself to get back into the habit of it, but I’m simply not feeling it anymore. I don’t care for the lists, I don’t have energy for constant reflection – and yet I crave the rewarding feeling of it.

Which is weird, because I still set goals and reach them. I know I do – because I still check them off during the year, and reflect & plan at every end of the year. But somehow it doesn’t feel like it’s enough; I was able to see my progress (and feel good about myself!) almost daily when I was a lot more practical in my self-improvement journey. Somehow putting pen to paper and checking off things DAILY makes a huge difference in my mindset.

Maybe there is a way to get into it again, without being overwhelmed by endless moments of reflection, and the pressure to ‘do better’ every single day. Maybe there is a way to feel that sense of reward and accomplishment, without having to ‘manage’ and track your personal progress all the time.

Have you ever used a bullet journal, habit tracker or any type of journalling before? Did you lose motivation for it? Are there ‘easy on the self’ alternatives? I’d love to get your help.

xx Coco

5 Hard truths about moving abroad

Deep ✨, Expat/travel 🌍

It’s been eight months since my husband and I moved from The Netherlands to Dallas, Texas. We’re pretty lucky to go through this together, and the whole experience has been amazing so far. We didn’t run into any major problems or issues, and yet – life is pretty hard. There are some undeniably hard things about moving abroad that you can’t really work your way around. And most of them are surprisingly NOT practical things. Here’s five truths that I found since moving abroad.

1. Your solid foundation is instantly gone

We didn’t realize this before, but back in The Netherlands we had built a very solid base in our lives. You basically spend your whole life learning about a place, how everything works, and who you are in that place. You build friendships, relationships, habits, a career and a home. Moving abroad instantly makes the years and years of building disappear. And this is not something you can really prepare for, as you’ve always automatically had that base.

I’m not saying the foundation is shaken up a little bit or a little bit less stable, no: it’s completely gone. Especially if you move to another continent like we did. Everything is different, you have to figure out how everything works all over again. You have basically have to start from zero, and that makes me feel like I’m 18 again. Not only have I lost everything I knew and had gotten used to – I also lost who I was in that place. I basically have to reinvent my life and myself all over again.

2. Small moments of contact are the new normal

We travel back to The Netherlands every three months (on average), and try to see as many people as possible during those visits. However, spending only a few hours a year with your friends is not enough, or at least it doesn’t feel like it. It’s very hard on me to leave my friends and family again after only a few moments of quality time. And you can feel that this changes some of the relationships.

So online contact between those visits is key. In order to stay up to date on each others life and still invest time and energy, texting and (video)calling have become an important part of these relationships. Not everyone is good at planning this and keeping up with it, but the people who care about you will try and make that effort. Small things like checking in on health situations or sending a gift on birthdays have become more special and meaningful. Since there’s not a lot of real life contact, the small (online) moments are now crucial in still feeling close, validated and valued.

3. You will find out who actually cares

Since moving abroad did not only change your life, but also the lives of all your relationships back home, you will see that it also takes some adjustments on your friends and family’s part. Not everyone is capable of making the necessary changes, and this doesn’t have to be a big deal. For example, someone who is a little bit older and not good with technology, or someone that doesn’t fully get the differences in time zones etc. will need more effort and initiative on your part to keep in contact in order to still have good relationship.

However, you will see that there are also some people who are perfectly capable of reaching out, but just don’t feel like it’s important enough or don’t prioritize finding the time for it. This is how you lose some friends after moving abroad. Luckily, many of my friends check in on my at least weekly, and tell me they miss me and want to catch up. Only a few people somehow seem to think ‘out of sight, out of mind’ or might feel some resentment in the way that they feel like I should take all the initiative, because I am the one who moved away. This is a sad unfolding of the relationship, but there’s not really something you can do about it. Take comfort in knowing that the people who do care, will always be there – even if you’re on the other side of the world!

4. You will never feel truly ‘at home’ again

If everything works out for you, it won’t take you too much time to feel at home in your new country. We felt like Dallas was our new home pretty quickly because we liked it so much, but it took us about six months to feel ‘homey’ in our new house, and to have figured out enough of our surroundings to feel comfortable and safe here. However, with that really nice ‘at home’ feeling came the realization that The Netherlands will never fully feel like home again – or at least not our only one. If we ever move back or move somewhere else, we will always miss a part of Dallas, just like we miss a part of The Netherlands right now.

While we suddenly appreciate things in The Netherlands that we didn’t even notice before, we also now see where The Netherlands kind of screws up because Texas does these things better. There’s pro’s and cons to every place, and while we were rationally aware of that fact, living this truth and still loving both these places adds a new depth to what you call ‘home’.

There’s a cruel paradox in seeing more of the world and allowing new places to capture your heart – as you will realize that there is no way to be in all the places you love at once, and there is no true home anymore. This is also true for the new foundation we are creating here: our house, our friends, our identity – eventually we will have to give it up, just like we did with our life in The Netherlands. Luckily, we can find that at home feeling in each other, so I guess we find comfort in the words ‘home is where the heart is’.

5. No one really knows what you’re going through

Luckily for us, we are still in good contact with our ‘old’ friends, and made new ones right away. And while this helps with not feeling super lonely and getting adjusted to a new place, no one really gets what we’re going through right now (apart from other expats maybe).

Our old friends don’t fully get what the USA or Texas is like, no matter how many stories we tell or videos we make. Even the ones that do visit us can’t fully understand what feels like to live here, to have your whole life in this place – to have to get accustomed to the culture and the rules – because they will go home in a few days and live their life like it always was. And our new friends don’t fully get why we are who we are, and what made us us. Because they don’t know anything about the Netherlands, our culture or our worldview. They weren’t there when the important parts of life happened that shaped us, and they will never fully understand our way of thinking – just like we will never fully comprehend theirs – because we grew up in completely different parts of the world.

But thing that makes me feel the most alone and frustrated sometimes, is the fact that none of our friends (old or new) can fully grasp what moving abroad feels like, how scary, complicated and lonely it can be – even if we are super happy and live a life younger me could only dream of. We will never be able to explain how the nitty gritty details of this country can sometimes shake us to our core, because our old friends are still comfortable at home and can’t really imagine having to compromise their solid foundation, and the new ones are so used to the shit that sometimes truly is Texas (or ‘Murica) that they don’t recognize it as shit anymore.

Now there are also a lot of things that are super fun, exciting, surprisingly easy and breezy about moving abroad, but I don’t think that’s interesting to get into here. These are the ones I wanted to share with you today, because even if you can’t really prepare for any of these things or feelings, it helps me to get them off my chest and maybe bring you some clarity on what moving continents is really like. As always, I do feel a need to assure you that I’m fine and happy here, because I do realize that my posts have gotten pretty dark lately. This is only because I use this platform as an outlet, and life just happens to be pretty hard sometimes – even when I love it and wouldn’t change a thing.

Happy December everyone!

xx Coco

Why I don’t work

Deep ✨

In order to move to Dallas, I had to quit my job for in The Netherlands. I worked for the local government of Rotterdam as an Ethics & Integrity advisor. And while I liked my job (for a job), I didn’t mind quitting in order to move to Dallas and start Youtube. Life can actually be very fulfilling without working.

Now, I know many people have to work to make a living, and I’m not trying to romanticize not working. But what stands out to me is how many people in The Netherlands somehow think that I must be really miserable or bored since I don’t have a 9 to 5 job here in Dallas. While fact of the matter is, I could get a job here. But I don’t want to and I don’t have to.

And no one here in Texas has asked me the same questions that Dutch people have. ‘What are you doing all day?’, ‘You probably sit at home all day’ (and no, that’s not a question, I know) and ‘Don’t you want to be part of society?’. The people here somehow seem to understand a little more why I don’t work, and even say that they probably wouldn’t work either (or less) if they could. And yet, I feel like I have to explain myself. So here we go.

First of all, I don’t feel unproductive, useless or lazy because I invest a lot of time and effort into my Youtube channel. Posting two (somewhat good quality) videos a week takes a lot more than most people seem to think, and it actually fills about 20 hours of my week filming, editing, and everything around it (i.e. Instagram, analysis, making thumbnails, etc.). So I would actually say I do have a – yet for now unpaid – job, it’s just a part-time one. Oh and of course I take care of our household too.

Second of all, I don’t feel like I’m less a part of society than anyone who works fulltime. I get how they might feel more like a part of something, but honestly there are a lot of jobs that contribute as much or even less to society than a Youtuber does (as long as people are watching..). Moreover, there are lots of ways to contribute and be a part of society other than your job: the way you care for and influence others, investing in relationships, charity, blogging (haha) and quite frankly, I still pay taxes.

And whenever someone truly thinks that I must feel bored or useless, honestly I just feel sad for them. If you really think your life has no meaning without your job, if you would truly not know how to spend your time unless you’re working 40 hours a week – that’s what I truly call poverty. They might make more money than I do, but I get all those extra hours to live life. Think about all the things you do on your weekends, your holidays, or what hobbies you would pick up, things you would like to learn if you didn’t have to work. Well, that’s what my life is like. (And I do realize how privileged that is.)

In The Netherlands, we have a culture of taking care of ourselves and working hard. Many people don’t like to take loans or financial aid, or look down upon people who do. We encourage women to build careers and be financially stable, even (or maybe especially) when they are in a relationship or get married (we are also big on prenups). And while I think it is simply smart to have a plan and be financially stable just in case your relationship does fail (or other things happen in life), I don’t 100% agree with judging women who decide to make different choices than the Dutch status quo tell us to. I am being smart, I do have a plan B, C and even D, but I don’t think that has to look like working fulltime for the rest of your life just in case something happens. And honestly, I kind of hate how many women don’t really have a choice – as in most cases, they need two salaries to get by.

One last thing I would like to say is that my inner world is very colorful, deep and spiritual, which is probably why I love this life so much. I have never been competitive (even though I work really hard for things I truly want) and I have never dreamt of a big successful career or climbing some corporate ladder. My passions simply lay elsewhere. I have watched the rat race from a distance since I was very young, which I think is one of the reasons why I studied philosophy, and am very thankful and humble about the fact that I get to escape it.

XX Coco

Life is NOT supposed to be comfortable

Deep ✨

As some of you know, I am moving to Dallas, Texas next month. While I am currently pretty excited, I could also be really scared and uncomfortable to leave my safe home in the Netherlands and start a new adventure. So why aren’t I?

Why choose the unknown?!

I have talked about this subject with many friends and family, of course. And while many of them reacted very positive and called this a new adventure for us, some were also quite wary, or didn’t understand why we would choose to turn our comfortable life around for something unknown.

And of course, with a big life change like this one, you can expect the usual struggles. For example, I already know that there are going to be moments where I really miss my friends and family, get really annoyed with American things I probably will never understand, or just feel a plain regret for even moving there in the first place.

But right now, my main mindset about these moments is: they too shall pass. And life isn’t supposed to be comfortable a 100% of the time.

It makes us grow

Because stepping out of our comfort zone, taking chances, and sometimes even being blatantly unhappy makes us grow. These are probably the moments that will make me say ‘I’m so glad we did this’ in the future. Life is supposed to be hard sometimes. And this is no reason to refrain from making changes, or live the life that excites you.

Sometimes I feel like we are used to avoiding pain and discomfort, because we are so used to having the illusion of control. For example, I could stay in the Netherland because I am not willing to take the risk of being unhappy with my decision of moving abroad. But who says life here will stay safe and comfortable? I can become perfectly miserable at home as well! And even then: sometimes life is sitting in your sadness, crying it out, without trying to ‘fix’ it as quickly as possible.

I get it: it doesn’t feel nice. But life isn’t supposed to feel nice all the time. Life sometimes is supposed to feel really, really, shitty. And allowing it to feel that way.

Certain can be shit too

The idea of knowing what we have, but being uncertain about what we could gain is completely false. Or at least – only the second part is true. We indeed don’t know what we could gain by taking chances, but the bright side is: you will know after you try. However, we don’t what we have if we stay the same. Because we can stay the same, but life simply doesn’t.

The reasons you are so happy and comfortable with your current life can change in a heartbeat. What if that colleague you are so close with finds another job? What if your dream home has underlying flaws? I don’t want to scare you, but shit happens all the time in your life too. The main point of your happiness is how you deal with the highs and lows of life itself.

And small reminder: they can be dealt with literally in any place, anywhere, at any time.

xx Coco

We need to talk about privilege

Deep ✨

As you know, I am a big fan of manifestation methods and the law of attraction. I like books like Psycho-Cybernetics, and meditate on my goals daily. But one thing we need to remember is that manifesting doesn’t work for everyone, and this has nothing to do with putting in the work or skill. It has to do with the mere fact that many people don’t have the privileges to ‘just manifest’ a dream job, relationship or home. And we don’t talk about this enough.

‘I just made it happen’

I think this is because we like to think of manifesting as some kind of magic, or control. We love to be able to say that we just made it happen. We often feel like life is hard and we need to struggle to get what we want, so how great would it be if we can just think or meditate certain conditions into being?

I do often point out that certain effort must be put in as well, but overall I whole heartedly embrace the law of attraction and manifestation theories. You know why? Because they work for me.

Why manifesting works for me

But the reason they work for me is not only because I have a ‘go with the flow’ mentality, set and work on my goals daily, and slowly but surely master the art of meditation. The law of attraction also works for me because I am from a pretty wealthy family, I never have to worry about hunger or homelessness, I live in a country with hardly any problems and am born with pretty good looks and a smart-ish brain. Life is simply easier for me than for many, many other people.

And so I’m privileged enough to say ‘I want X, so I’m going to manifest X’. Because to me, it often is this simple. To a woman my age born in Africa, struggling to feed five children and dealing with a lot of disaster and poverty, it is not that simple. She can’t ‘just manifest’ a safe home, healthy children and plenty of food one the table. No matter how hard she works, wishes and meditates.

I am lucky

It makes me think of a comment someone posted as a reaction to a famous inventor of a meditation app. It said something like: ‘Of course this works for you and you are happy, you have everything going for you and nothing to worry about. It would be weird if you weren’t happy.’

The inventor interpreted this as an accusation of not being self made, and replied that she never used her parents money to get where she is, that she used to work 3 jobs to pay her rent, and that she build her whole life and business herself.

And of course, this is all true. But I think the point of the comment was to nuance how unlikely the chances are that everyone can benefit from her meditations the way she does. She is her own biggest example of how far these meditations (and of course some necessary work) can bring you in life, but she seems completely blind to how privileged and comfortable you have to be to begin with in order to truly change your life for the better. Because no, her parents aren’t super rich and never gave her money, but she does seem to have had a pretty good basis for life to build on.

Who has time to manifest?

This is probably also why Plato said that many people only start their interest in philosophy and larger life questions from the age of 50. Looking at Maslow’s pyramid – who really has the time and space (and energy) to think about self-development, manifestation, and life in general?

Right: the person who has their most basic needs met. Someone who has the time and money to spend on not much else but their own personal dreams. And who probably also has the brain to comprehend these things and can take a risk because they have the social network to fall back on when things go wrong. Which (surprise!) are indeed people like the app inventor and myself.

What I’m trying to say is: don’t pride yourself or ‘magic’ too much when it comes to how much you are able to meditate, manifest and reach your goals. The truth is that you actually need a lot of privilege, good circumstances and mere luck to be able to ‘just manifest’ something. And not everyone, unfortunately, is in this position. So let’s stop the toxic spirituality and let’s stop telling people that they are completely in charge of their own life and happiness. Life is not that simple.

xx Coco

New year, new goals

Deep ✨, Lifestyle 🏃🏼‍♀️

The year of 2022 has finally come. I’m a big fan of reflecting on the past year, and setting goals for the new one. I do it every year, and every year I’m surprised by how many of my goals I actually reach. What are my goals for 2022? I always set many (I actually have 16 this year), so I’ll tell you about the most important ones.

Going on solo (day)trips

I’m a very social person and I like to experience life with my friends, family and husband. But I’m also an only child, a scorpio and a very spiritual being – so I need my quiet time. Exploring new places or going into nature by myself is something I really enjoy, but don’t do too often.

It always humbles and excites me at the same time, so in 2022, I’m planning on doing more trips my myself. Even if it’s just for a day.

Dry January

My relationship with alcohol has always been a difficult one. I wouldn’t say my usage is problematic, but I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with it, and therefore find it hard to find that sweet spot or balance.

Last year, I tried dry January for the first time and I loved it. It was a very spiritual and powerful month for me, that I extended to six weeks. I learned a lot about myself and felt a lot healthier afterwards, so I’m looking forwards to the same benefits this year.

Reading at least six books

I know reading six books in a year doesn’t seem like a lot to some people. I’ve heard people say they wanted to read 20 or even 50 books this year. But I am not much of a reader, I don’t find it relaxing and I have not yet found the genre that I really love.

So my goal for 2022 is to at least read one book every two months. And even though this sounds doable, I know I will still have to try hard and commit as reading is not in my system yet. For Christmas, I got a Kindle so hopefully this helps me with my goal. If you have any tips on how to make reading more easy, let me know! 🙂

Making money online

I am quite hesitant to share this goal with you, as it seems like such a big goal and kind of ‘out there’ to me. Since I started this blog last year, I’ve been wanting to extent my entrepreneurial goals and actually make some money from online projects. As I want to keep this blog as pure and real as I can, I’m not actively striving to make money of off this blog.

I am, however, planning on two different projects for 2022. One has to do with meditation, and one has to do with making videos. But as Anna Bey taught me not to overshare before success, I’m going to say any more on this topic other than: stay tuned!

What are some of your goals for 2022? I’m curious to know. 🙂

xx Coco

I didn’t know I was a perfectionist

Deep ✨

Ever since I can remember, I have been a ‘6-type’ of person. In the dutch scholar system, a six is a very average grade, that is just about enough to pass. Sixes-people aren’t outstanding people. They settle for less or are kinda simple. They don’t excel in anything. They’re fine. Content. And probably lazy.

I thought I was lazy

And I always took pride in this identity. As a student, I was fine getting graded a six, because I did very little to pass my classes. I took pride in this six, because I hardly even worked for it and it still worked out. That must’ve meant I was kinda smart right?! I always started studying or working on assignments the night before the deadline. I didn’t even try to start before that moment. I agreed that I was lazy, and I didn’t mind it.

I even felt like people with higher grades were just wasting time. Why work for a nine, if you only need a six to pass? In the special occasion I got a higher grade, I even sighed and said: I worked too hard again. I wanted time for myself, so bothered as little as possible for schoolwork and just made sprints out of my deadlines.

So I took a test

But when I started by fulltime job, I was offered a workshop on changing habits. I wanted to change my lazy procrastination habits and explained the situation to my coach. He asked me if I had ever been tested for performance anxiety. ‘Of course not!’ I replied. I was the opposite of that! I was lazy, cared more for my free time and hobbies than for achieving things and being successful.

Yet he insisted and asked me to take a perfectionism-test. This test didn’t ask me to explain my habits and actions, but analysed my habits and actions to see which fears and cravings were beneath them. The result? I am a hardcore perfectionist. I crave achievement and success. Failure and being average terrifies me. So why did I choose for these things on purpose for so long?

How I covered my fears

Turns out, I tried to cover the fear of being a failure or being average, by purposely showing that behaviour. As long as I didn’t try hard to reach my goals, I didn’t have to conclude that I was failing if I didn’t reach them. If I failed, or performed just average, it wasn’t too hard for me because I never really tried anyway. Moreover, I was applauding myself for not trying and still being somewhat successful!

Of course I wanted the high grades, but I never dared to see what happened if I actually studied for a 10. Being a smart girl has always been my identity, so what would happen if I studied for a 10, but still only got a 7 or 8? I much rather was the girl who was smart for not studying and still getting that 6.

I soon realised that this underachieving was applicable to many more situations in my life. I never set goals for myself or shared them with others, out of fear for not reaching them and having to conclude that I’m a failure. And because I never really tried the hard stuff, I didn’t gain any self-confidence on these matters either. Because if you don’t try, sure you cannot fail – but you cannot succeed either. And you never prove your insecurities wrong.

I learned to try

But I knew that that was no way to live. Deep down, I am not that lazy or average girl, and more important: I do have goals and dreams! So I took one year to actually try for what I wanted. I promised myself to actually write down work for my goals, and also share them with the world.

Within 5 months, I had reached all of the goals I had set for the year. I was flabbergasted, but also really thankful to hear a new voice that was now clear in my head, saying: you knew you could do this all along. You were just too scared.

I remember the moment I was going for my first try at my drivers license. I said to my friend that I was really afraid to fail. She understood, but also reality-checked me and said: Have you ever really tried at something you wanted and failed? And she was right. If I really want something, I always get it. And if I’m scared? I’ll do it scared.

Do it scared

Because being perfect is impossible. Everybody fails at times. And that can be scary, and it can hurt. But being lazy is not an option in this life that has so much to offer. ‘Life starts at the end of your comfort zone’ has been a motto since I took that test. And I challenge everyone reading this to please: face the fears that are holding you back from what you deserve.

Life is too short to be comfortable (or average).

xx Coco

Is there more for you?

Deep ✨

I don’t want to put a modern-day pressure on you – the pressure to have an amazing life, to always be super happy, to be successful on a very young age. These things are super circumstantial and the desire for it varies from person to person. I’m not trying to make you feel bad for being relaxed, have moderate life expectations or live in the now instead of the future. But if (and only if!) deep inside of you there’s a small voice asking: ‘Is this it? Is this all life has to offer?’ – please keep reading.

Because I think that voice is very important. We often confuse it for external pressure, maybe even think it stems from peer pressure, and when it’s negatieve and demeaning, it probably is. But when what that voice is asking or telling you actually excites you, or makes you wonder about life; that voice is probably you. Or the most optimal, higher version of you. And it wants you to thrive.

Intuition or higher self?

It could also feel like your intuition. And the older I get, the more I realise that truth: the same voice that wants you to follow your gut and trust your own judgement, if the same voice that wants you to follow your dreams and passions, and therefore align you with your purpose.

Because your intuition is your higher self. That little voice in your head that you try to ignore, because ‘it’s just a random thought’ is the optimal version of you.

And I want you to follow that voice. It can be hard at first, but as with many things in life, it gets easier the more often you do it. And lucky us – this voice gets louder in time. At first it might just be a little whisper. But as you learn to listen to it more often, it becomes a deafening roar in the best possible way.

Your passions aren’t random

Because your interests, what excites you, and the questions you ask about life are not coincidental. They are not random. They are you, and arise from who you are and what you’re here to do. So when following that voice becomes more natural to you, it will lead you to your ultimate purpose.

Or as my favourite quote ever explains so gently: be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire. And: that dream was planted in your heart for a reason.

So if you ever hear or feel that voice again, asking: is this all there is? The answer is probably no. There is more for you. And your higher self wants to you explore those options. So follow your intuition. Listen to that voice. And say yes to whatever it is that excites you.

You don’t need to listen to external pressure or be driven by the exciting life of others. Because deep inside you, there’s already a version of you that knows exactly what you want and where you need to chase it. Just, listen.

xx Coco

The only goal is to live

Deep ✨

In life, I have often felt the pressure to be successful, have a lot of fun, and be really happy all at the same time. I think secularism and individualism has put even more emphasis on the idea that we only have one life, and it is completely up to ourselves to make it worthwhile. Social media and the constant (dis)approval of our life from others put on some extra pressure. But what, really, is our true task, goal or assignment in life?

The meaning of life

First of all, when it comes to the meaning of life, this is for each and everyone of us to decide for ourselves. Of course, if you are religious or an idealist, there are some collective meanings of life that we can come up with for the human race. This might be to leave the planet better than we found it, or to pursue happiness, or to obey God. But when it comes to the meaning of my life, or your life, the meaning or goal of a life might differ.

Because my values aren’t your values, and what makes me happy and fulfilled – i.e. what makes my life worth living – might not do the same for you. So when you ask yourself the questions ‘why am I alive?’, ‘what is the meaning of my life?’ or ‘what is the goal of my life?’ it is completely up to you to find a satisfying answer. And that answer is never wrong.

The only natural assignment

But there’s another way to look at what we have come to do, as a human being on this planet. Or to look at our assignment in this thing we call life. Because we can strip away all authorities. What if when we look at the individual life, we don’t look towards other humans, it’s place within mankind, or religious NOR spiritual authorities? What if we even don’t see ourselves as an authority to decide our goal or assignment in life? Then we are left with merely the reality of life itself.

And some answers can still be found there. Because when we look at nature, the only assignment we have ever gotten was just to live. To be alive. Simply by the fact that we have come into this life, and that in this moment we are still alive. This actually matches with the inherent will to live and survive, that can be observed in every living creature.

However, nature never put any pressure on you to be successful, or to be super social, or to have a lot of fun. Nature doesn’t even really care if you’re happy along the way. Biologically speaking, your only assignment is simply to live. And what you want to do with that life, or if you want to have fun being alive, or how (and if!) you want to add meaning to it, is completely up to you.

The duty to live

I know what you’re thinking – you never even chose to be alive (your parents decided that for you), so how can the only true the assignment be to live? But this is already begging the question. By the point we ask these type of questions, we added ourselves as an authority again. And luckily, by that logic, we can also look at religious, social or spiritual arguments again.

Because in my belief, you actually did some time ago choose to be alive and come to planet earth. But even if this is not your belief, you can argue that you have some social duties for staying alive simply because we are human beings, and therefore social creatures who depend on each other. You can imagine there are many, many religious and spiritual arguments for believing you have a duty to (be thankful to) live, but I do not have the time nor enough blogging pages to get into that today.

For now, meditate for a while on the fact that your only natural assignment in life is just to live. In a world where we are constantly trying to prove that our lives are beautiful, fun and successful, this can be very liberating.

xx Coco

Why I love growing older

Deep ✨

When I was younger, like in my teens ’till mid-twenties, I used to think that it was the best time of my life. I was always scared of turning 30 years old one day, and I had insane expectations for myself about what I wanted to achieve before that age. And now, the time has come. I’m turning 30 years old in a few months and have actually come to the last Q of my roaring twenties.

Why life doesn’t peak before 30

The past few years have been really good, but I wouldn’t say I’ve been through the highlight of my life yet. Actually, in the past years my life has gradually become better and better. Since the beginning of high school until this year, I have surprised myself at how much better life became each year.

I’m actually laughing at the fact that I thought high school was going to be the best time of my life, because it clearly wasn’t. And neither were my student years, I mean – how could they have been? They were an absolute blessing, but I was still young then. And therefore I was insecure, still had to figure myself out, had to do a lot of things I really didn’t want to do, and was broke, hungover and stressed over deadlines a large part of my time.

Why life is a blast after 30

And as I grew older, like between 25 and 29, all these problems seemed to solve themselves almost automatically. As I finished my studies and started working fulltime, I actually learned more about myself and what kind of life I wanted. I also grew more confident as I felt more sense of accomplishment and pride through my work and building my character.

As for the other hardships; growing older fixed these too. Of course not all 30-ish year-olds have the same life, but at least most of them have something of a stable income, know who they are and what they want, and have the tools and resources to build the life that they want. Another mayor thing for me is: I can live by my own rules now.

Because when you are younger, you have to live by rules others made for you – and legitimately so. You have to make deadlines for school, have to proof that you’re not stupid all the time, and have to listen to your parents because you still rely on them for a large part. I really appreciate the freedom of not having to do anything I don’t want anymore, and not try to do things I’m not good at all the time.

I feel like for a large part, I have proven to be capable and smart at this age. I can avoid situations I don’t want to be in, and for all I know if I want to, I can sleep in as long as I want, drink alcohol on weekdays, and take a walk in the middle of the night. Yes, 30 is pretty flirty and thriving. Actually.

xx Coco