Marfa (West Texas) roadtrip 2023

Expat/travel 🌍

Since watching Gossip Girl when I was 18, I’ve been obsessed with the remote Prada store in Marfa, Texas (remember the art sign in Lily VanderWoodsen’s Upper East Side apartment?). Now that we live in Texas, of course we had to make the – still 8 hour drive – to West Texas and see it in real life! We decided to stay 2 nights in Marfa itself, and then 2 nights at the luxury Cibolo Creek ranch to catch some sun and rest. Here’s what we saw & did:

The way there

The drive from Dallas to Marfa is about 500-something miles, so with enough stops for Bentley (and our own coffee-fixes) it took us about 9 hours. When you drive out of the DFW metroplex, you slowly start seeing nature become less green and more yellow and dry-looking. After a couple hours, the whole way is flat and becomes one big oil-harvesting field. I mean: industrial and dirty looking areas for hours on end.

When you arrive in the Marfa area, nature becomes more beautiful again: still dry, dusty and yellow, but also beautiful mountains and lots of cacti. I would say the road goes from green and curvy, to flat and oily, to real Texan dusty mountains. It was quite a scenery. Of course, we also saw a lot of remote homes and Cowboy churches (which I previously didn’t even know existed haha).

Monahans Sandhills

We stopped at the Monahan Sandhills State Park for some quick pictures. The sandhills are quite surprising in the middle of the West-Texas prairie, because somehow there’s a big area of sand only, where literally nothing grows at all.

So if you want a cute sahara-like picture, definitely stop here. We saw some people with kids camping there too, but since I’m not a huge fan of having sand everywhere, all day every day, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend staying the night.

Marfa

We found Marfa itself pretty quiet and boring, to be honest. If you’re in the area, it’s a neat little town to experience some existential vibes and a lot of art. Overall, we liked to see how a Texas desert town in the middle of nowhere could exist at all, and we did find some cute places to stay and drink/eat.

The first night we stayed at Hotel Paisano (where the whole cast of The Giant, including James Dean stayed while filming), and the next in El Cosmico (a colorful nomad-like camping site). Our favorite place was Planet Marfa, a lowkey but very eclectic bar with kind locals, and the Waterstop – really good food and a real old bar vibe. I wouldn’t recommend staying in Marfa more than 2 nights.

THE Prada Marfa store

The main reason we wanted to visit Marfa was for the Prada store. For people who are unfamiliar with the concept: The Prada store is in a remote area and is NOT a real store. It is an art piece in corporation with, so not by Prada. You can’t enter the store, and the main thing it is used for is the famous Prada Marfa picture. And it is quite a sight: seeing a Prada store at the sight of a very quiet desert road! And such a bucket list thing for me.

I learned about this store when I was very young and watched Gossip Girl. Lily VanderWoodsen has an art piece on her wall saying: Prada Marfa, with an arrow and 1837 mi. It is the distance from the Prada store in New York to the Prada ‘store’ in Marfa. Now that we’ve visited the store, I’d say we’re allowed to hang it on our wall as well. 😉

Hotel Paisano

The first night in Marfa we stayed in Hotel Paisano. Like I said, this hotel is famous for hosting the whole cast of the movie The Giant. We’ve never seen this movie before, but definitely will go watch it now! The staff and service in the hotel wasn’t impressive, but the old decor and look of the building were pretty iconic. Compared to the rest of Marfa, it did feel like the place to be (hotel-wise). And real fans can book the James Dean room!

El Cosmico

The second night we stayed in the rainbow airstream at El Cosmico. This quiet, bohemian camping site is the place to be for glamping in Marfa (though I’m not sure there are others haha). We enjoyed the quietness and hippy-like features of this place. The airstream had both heating and airconditioning (and yes, we needed both) but with an outdoor shower and a train that toots its horn a couple times a night, that’s about all the luxury you get. I’d still recommend going here because the place is iconic for Marfa standards and the complimentary coffee and glitter cake pops were great!

We found a winery!

After our Prada photoshoot, we took a detour back to Marfa to see some different middle of nowhere-views. We accidentally found Chateau Wright and decided to do their wine tasting and had a couple bites with them. Even though I’m not a huge fan of Texas wine (so far), we did decide to bring home a few of their best bottles.

The place was really cute with a great overlook on the vineyard and wildlife, and the staff were very kind and knowledgable. If you’re in the Marfa area, don’t skip this place! It was one of the highlights of our trip and we even spent enough hours there to get sunburned haha.

Cibolo Creek Ranch

The highlight of our roadtrip was definitely Cibolo Creek Ranch – and yes, we loved it even more than seeing the Prada store in real life. We found this ranch as one of the only luxury stays in the area, and truly enjoyed every single part of our stay here. Cibolo Creek is a private ranch used as a five star hotel. Since you can’t really go anywhere to go eat or have fun (apart from driving back to Marfa), we had all our meals and activities right there on the ranch. The horseback riding was amazing, with stunning views and a lot of stories about the owner, livestock and history.

A lot of ‘wild’ animals live on the ranch and it’s one of the only places that sometimes even looks lush, thanks to the creek and fresh water sources in the area – which is rare for the West Texas prairie. The pool, cocktail hours and interacting with fellow travellers is something we still actually miss! And if it wasn’t as secluded and far away as it is, we would definitely come back. If you’re looking for a nice Cowboy-style yet luxury getaway, this is the place to go.

Some last words and recs

Marfa is a great place to visit, IF YOU’RE IN THE AREA. I wouldn’t recommend driving 8,5 hours like we did, just to see what Marfa is about or to visit Cibolo Creek Ranch. Since the Prada store was on my bucket list, it was worth the drive for us. But if you’re not obsessed with any of the elements Marfa has to offer, I’d recommend skipping the Marfa area altogether, amazing as it was – because West Texas is just So. Much. Of Nothing.

The villages and sightseeing things are quite far apart, so take in consideration long dusty drives and a lot of ‘middle of nowhere’-feelings. Yes – even in the center of Marfa itself. If you’re looking to visit Big Bend, I’d say book your stay closer to the Big Bend area than Marfa or Cibolo Creek Ranch – we didn’t visit the Big Bend at all because it was still too far away, and we heard the same from other travellers. Other than that, we had a great time!

Feel free to also watch the vlogs:

My favorite apartments in Dallas, TX

Lifestyle 🏃🏼‍♀️

Even though our lease ends in July, we are already hunting for a new apartment – because we love it. We love exploring all our options for new homes, love seeing different neighborhoods in Dallas and love fantasizing about a new phase of our life in the future. We have toured many luxury apartments in Dallas (twice now!) already, both high rise and mid rise, both modern and more traditional. These are my faves so far, they are all in the $2500 price range.

Keep in mind: we prefer to really be IN Dallas city. If you’re interested in the suburbs like Plano and Arlington, I’ll make another blogpost about those properties later.

1. The 23

This modern luxury high rise in Victory Park is the perfect combo of luxury and affordable(ish), between Downtown and Uptown. I love the Victory Park area for it’s cleanliness, modern finish and restaurants, bars and shops in the area. The 23 has great floor plans, awesome amenities and is still a very new and safe building. I’d move into The 23 for the location, modern amenities and clean looks. Check out their website here.

2. The Brady

This is a very well known classic, and therefore in my opinion a little bit overpriced. But it might be worth it, because there is really nothing I don’t like about this property. Their rooftop pool is beautiful, the location is very quiet yet central in Uptown, they have private access to the Katy Trail AND the property overall is beautiful. If you don’t mind a bigger building with smaller units (for your money), you’ll love living in this famous place! Check out their website here.

3. The Taylor

The Taylor is in the same area as The Brady, but I’d say is a little bit more dated. Don’t worry – they are renovating the units as we speak, and have renovated their amenities last year, so this property is beautiful! Very cozy yet modern, and even though their pool is on the ground floor I’d love to hang out there. I’d move into The Taylor for the location, the kind staff and the trendy-looking amenities. This place feels like home quickly! Check out their website here.

4. Residences at the Grove

Residences at the Grove is a great option if you love the Westvillage area. This fairly new property has great floor plans and a lovely pool with a view on downtown. When we entered this building, we instantly knew it was a great option for us. This place is modern but colorful and has GREAT amenities. The kitchen has a very luxury feel and you’ll live right in the center of Uptown Dallas (which I think is the place to be). Check out their website here.

5. Armstrong at Knox

Last but not least, I want to mention Armstrong at Knox. Even though we were not instantly in love with this place, I know taste is very subjective and this is a really great property if you love the Knox/Henderson area. Right between all the restaurants and shops Knox has to offer, and you’ll live RIGHT NEXT to Trader Joes! We liked the style and feel of the amenities, and if you don’t mind narrow hallways this might just be your next home. Check out their website here.

Want to see more?

Watch my full Youtube playlist of apartment tours in Dallas here.

What I’m wearing this Spring 2023

Fashion 👠

I know it’s only March, but Spring can certainly come quick and hard here in Dallas, TX. So I’m already looking for which trends and styles I want to adopt and wear this season. My style is very different from what it was in The Netherlands (read: it went from classic and dark to girly and more colors) – so I’m always looking for new inspiration. Here are my top picks:

1. Low(er) waist + baggy jeans

I already own my favorite Levi’s jeans in 3 different colors, but in my defense I wear these jeans A LOT. Especially the ripped light jeans, combined with cute girly tops or even blazers. It’s just a very versatile piece that you can dress up or down and that makes sense in spring, as days can be warmer but evenings are still cold (and so are AC’s in Texas, haha). So I’ll definitely wear these again this Spring!

Buy here

2. Cowboy boots

Even though they can be a little hot, cowboy boots are very much part of the Spring esthetic in Texas. Combined with shorts or a dress, they can be just warm enough to not be too cold in spring, though not to hot thanks to the bare leg combo. However, I would never wear these in Summer, so this is the moment! I already own black leather shorter ones, and am on the lookout for higher suede ones like these from Mango.

Buy here

3. Hot pink

This trend was already pretty booming last year, but I’m going to cross my fingers that it continues in 2023 because I LOVE the Barbie/hot pink right now! Both high end brands like Chanel as well as more budget brands hopped on this trend and I especially love dresses and accessoires in this color, like this dress is from Mango.

Buy here

4. Headbands

I’m not sure if this is just nostalgia to a Blair Waldorf era or if I’m actually picking up on something, but headbands are back on my wishlist. I especially love the thicker satin or velvet ones and bejeweled ones are very popular in Dallas at the moment! It’s an easy way to make your look more girly and I always feel closer to royalty when I wear one, haha.

Buy here

Please note: the links to the products are affiliate links, this means I get a small commission if you buy via this link. This does NOT influence the price you pay or my opinion on the product. So if you are going to buy this product anyway, please use this link and help a girl get $$! Thank you so much.

Self-improvement fatigue

Deep ✨

It’s a new year again. And I love new beginnings. I always have goals and dreams for the future, and any type of clean slate makes me feel motivated to achieve them. However, in 2020 I started a self-improvement journey, including journalling and everything, that really excited me and gave me a strong sense of accomplishment that I haven’t been able to feel again.

It’s one of those things that really bugs me about life. You can never really have the same intense feelings as the very first time you felt them. And in the self-improvement area, this can be extra bugging and disappointing. Because the very thing that made you believe you can pretty much do anything is now missing, and this very same thing makes you feel like it’s your own fault.

It’s not like I don’t set or reach goals anymore. I still grow and learn everyday, both intentionally and ‘at random’. But there was something very satisfying in checking off to-do lists everyday, and have a moment of reflection at least once a week. I know how to do these things, and I could force myself to get back into the habit of it, but I’m simply not feeling it anymore. I don’t care for the lists, I don’t have energy for constant reflection – and yet I crave the rewarding feeling of it.

Which is weird, because I still set goals and reach them. I know I do – because I still check them off during the year, and reflect & plan at every end of the year. But somehow it doesn’t feel like it’s enough; I was able to see my progress (and feel good about myself!) almost daily when I was a lot more practical in my self-improvement journey. Somehow putting pen to paper and checking off things DAILY makes a huge difference in my mindset.

Maybe there is a way to get into it again, without being overwhelmed by endless moments of reflection, and the pressure to ‘do better’ every single day. Maybe there is a way to feel that sense of reward and accomplishment, without having to ‘manage’ and track your personal progress all the time.

Have you ever used a bullet journal, habit tracker or any type of journalling before? Did you lose motivation for it? Are there ‘easy on the self’ alternatives? I’d love to get your help.

xx Coco

5 Hard truths about moving abroad

Deep ✨, Expat/travel 🌍

It’s been eight months since my husband and I moved from The Netherlands to Dallas, Texas. We’re pretty lucky to go through this together, and the whole experience has been amazing so far. We didn’t run into any major problems or issues, and yet – life is pretty hard. There are some undeniably hard things about moving abroad that you can’t really work your way around. And most of them are surprisingly NOT practical things. Here’s five truths that I found since moving abroad.

1. Your solid foundation is instantly gone

We didn’t realize this before, but back in The Netherlands we had built a very solid base in our lives. You basically spend your whole life learning about a place, how everything works, and who you are in that place. You build friendships, relationships, habits, a career and a home. Moving abroad instantly makes the years and years of building disappear. And this is not something you can really prepare for, as you’ve always automatically had that base.

I’m not saying the foundation is shaken up a little bit or a little bit less stable, no: it’s completely gone. Especially if you move to another continent like we did. Everything is different, you have to figure out how everything works all over again. You have basically have to start from zero, and that makes me feel like I’m 18 again. Not only have I lost everything I knew and had gotten used to – I also lost who I was in that place. I basically have to reinvent my life and myself all over again.

2. Small moments of contact are the new normal

We travel back to The Netherlands every three months (on average), and try to see as many people as possible during those visits. However, spending only a few hours a year with your friends is not enough, or at least it doesn’t feel like it. It’s very hard on me to leave my friends and family again after only a few moments of quality time. And you can feel that this changes some of the relationships.

So online contact between those visits is key. In order to stay up to date on each others life and still invest time and energy, texting and (video)calling have become an important part of these relationships. Not everyone is good at planning this and keeping up with it, but the people who care about you will try and make that effort. Small things like checking in on health situations or sending a gift on birthdays have become more special and meaningful. Since there’s not a lot of real life contact, the small (online) moments are now crucial in still feeling close, validated and valued.

3. You will find out who actually cares

Since moving abroad did not only change your life, but also the lives of all your relationships back home, you will see that it also takes some adjustments on your friends and family’s part. Not everyone is capable of making the necessary changes, and this doesn’t have to be a big deal. For example, someone who is a little bit older and not good with technology, or someone that doesn’t fully get the differences in time zones etc. will need more effort and initiative on your part to keep in contact in order to still have good relationship.

However, you will see that there are also some people who are perfectly capable of reaching out, but just don’t feel like it’s important enough or don’t prioritize finding the time for it. This is how you lose some friends after moving abroad. Luckily, many of my friends check in on my at least weekly, and tell me they miss me and want to catch up. Only a few people somehow seem to think ‘out of sight, out of mind’ or might feel some resentment in the way that they feel like I should take all the initiative, because I am the one who moved away. This is a sad unfolding of the relationship, but there’s not really something you can do about it. Take comfort in knowing that the people who do care, will always be there – even if you’re on the other side of the world!

4. You will never feel truly ‘at home’ again

If everything works out for you, it won’t take you too much time to feel at home in your new country. We felt like Dallas was our new home pretty quickly because we liked it so much, but it took us about six months to feel ‘homey’ in our new house, and to have figured out enough of our surroundings to feel comfortable and safe here. However, with that really nice ‘at home’ feeling came the realization that The Netherlands will never fully feel like home again – or at least not our only one. If we ever move back or move somewhere else, we will always miss a part of Dallas, just like we miss a part of The Netherlands right now.

While we suddenly appreciate things in The Netherlands that we didn’t even notice before, we also now see where The Netherlands kind of screws up because Texas does these things better. There’s pro’s and cons to every place, and while we were rationally aware of that fact, living this truth and still loving both these places adds a new depth to what you call ‘home’.

There’s a cruel paradox in seeing more of the world and allowing new places to capture your heart – as you will realize that there is no way to be in all the places you love at once, and there is no true home anymore. This is also true for the new foundation we are creating here: our house, our friends, our identity – eventually we will have to give it up, just like we did with our life in The Netherlands. Luckily, we can find that at home feeling in each other, so I guess we find comfort in the words ‘home is where the heart is’.

5. No one really knows what you’re going through

Luckily for us, we are still in good contact with our ‘old’ friends, and made new ones right away. And while this helps with not feeling super lonely and getting adjusted to a new place, no one really gets what we’re going through right now (apart from other expats maybe).

Our old friends don’t fully get what the USA or Texas is like, no matter how many stories we tell or videos we make. Even the ones that do visit us can’t fully understand what feels like to live here, to have your whole life in this place – to have to get accustomed to the culture and the rules – because they will go home in a few days and live their life like it always was. And our new friends don’t fully get why we are who we are, and what made us us. Because they don’t know anything about the Netherlands, our culture or our worldview. They weren’t there when the important parts of life happened that shaped us, and they will never fully understand our way of thinking – just like we will never fully comprehend theirs – because we grew up in completely different parts of the world.

But thing that makes me feel the most alone and frustrated sometimes, is the fact that none of our friends (old or new) can fully grasp what moving abroad feels like, how scary, complicated and lonely it can be – even if we are super happy and live a life younger me could only dream of. We will never be able to explain how the nitty gritty details of this country can sometimes shake us to our core, because our old friends are still comfortable at home and can’t really imagine having to compromise their solid foundation, and the new ones are so used to the shit that sometimes truly is Texas (or ‘Murica) that they don’t recognize it as shit anymore.

Now there are also a lot of things that are super fun, exciting, surprisingly easy and breezy about moving abroad, but I don’t think that’s interesting to get into here. These are the ones I wanted to share with you today, because even if you can’t really prepare for any of these things or feelings, it helps me to get them off my chest and maybe bring you some clarity on what moving continents is really like. As always, I do feel a need to assure you that I’m fine and happy here, because I do realize that my posts have gotten pretty dark lately. This is only because I use this platform as an outlet, and life just happens to be pretty hard sometimes – even when I love it and wouldn’t change a thing.

Happy December everyone!

xx Coco

Why I don’t work

Deep ✨

In order to move to Dallas, I had to quit my job for in The Netherlands. I worked for the local government of Rotterdam as an Ethics & Integrity advisor. And while I liked my job (for a job), I didn’t mind quitting in order to move to Dallas and start Youtube. Life can actually be very fulfilling without working.

Now, I know many people have to work to make a living, and I’m not trying to romanticize not working. But what stands out to me is how many people in The Netherlands somehow think that I must be really miserable or bored since I don’t have a 9 to 5 job here in Dallas. While fact of the matter is, I could get a job here. But I don’t want to and I don’t have to.

And no one here in Texas has asked me the same questions that Dutch people have. ‘What are you doing all day?’, ‘You probably sit at home all day’ (and no, that’s not a question, I know) and ‘Don’t you want to be part of society?’. The people here somehow seem to understand a little more why I don’t work, and even say that they probably wouldn’t work either (or less) if they could. And yet, I feel like I have to explain myself. So here we go.

First of all, I don’t feel unproductive, useless or lazy because I invest a lot of time and effort into my Youtube channel. Posting two (somewhat good quality) videos a week takes a lot more than most people seem to think, and it actually fills about 20 hours of my week filming, editing, and everything around it (i.e. Instagram, analysis, making thumbnails, etc.). So I would actually say I do have a – yet for now unpaid – job, it’s just a part-time one. Oh and of course I take care of our household too.

Second of all, I don’t feel like I’m less a part of society than anyone who works fulltime. I get how they might feel more like a part of something, but honestly there are a lot of jobs that contribute as much or even less to society than a Youtuber does (as long as people are watching..). Moreover, there are lots of ways to contribute and be a part of society other than your job: the way you care for and influence others, investing in relationships, charity, blogging (haha) and quite frankly, I still pay taxes.

And whenever someone truly thinks that I must feel bored or useless, honestly I just feel sad for them. If you really think your life has no meaning without your job, if you would truly not know how to spend your time unless you’re working 40 hours a week – that’s what I truly call poverty. They might make more money than I do, but I get all those extra hours to live life. Think about all the things you do on your weekends, your holidays, or what hobbies you would pick up, things you would like to learn if you didn’t have to work. Well, that’s what my life is like. (And I do realize how privileged that is.)

In The Netherlands, we have a culture of taking care of ourselves and working hard. Many people don’t like to take loans or financial aid, or look down upon people who do. We encourage women to build careers and be financially stable, even (or maybe especially) when they are in a relationship or get married (we are also big on prenups). And while I think it is simply smart to have a plan and be financially stable just in case your relationship does fail (or other things happen in life), I don’t 100% agree with judging women who decide to make different choices than the Dutch status quo tell us to. I am being smart, I do have a plan B, C and even D, but I don’t think that has to look like working fulltime for the rest of your life just in case something happens. And honestly, I kind of hate how many women don’t really have a choice – as in most cases, they need two salaries to get by.

One last thing I would like to say is that my inner world is very colorful, deep and spiritual, which is probably why I love this life so much. I have never been competitive (even though I work really hard for things I truly want) and I have never dreamt of a big successful career or climbing some corporate ladder. My passions simply lay elsewhere. I have watched the rat race from a distance since I was very young, which I think is one of the reasons why I studied philosophy, and am very thankful and humble about the fact that I get to escape it.

XX Coco

My distorted self-image

Deep ✨

Moving to a new country does lots of things to your daily life. But what I didn’t expect it to do was to change the way I look at myself – not only who I am and my capabilities, but especially my looks. Yes: I am 30 years old and suddenly have the self-confidence of an 18 year-old. Let me tell you what happened.

Southern focus on looks

Dallas is notorious for having inhabitants that focus a lot on their outward appearance. Many people do facials, plastic surgery and have the fake nails and lashes. They also often care about designer clothes and having their hair and make-up done pretty glamorously.

And even though I love how people here dress up and make actually an effort (contrary to The Netherlands) this did make me a little less nonchalant about the way I look, and how I feel like I fit in society. I put a lot of effort in now, and with higher hopes automatically comes a higher risk of failure.

Psychological twist

But what really doesn’t help is that somehow suddenly my brain is only focused on those people I described here. There are a lot of normal-looking people in Dallas. There are a lot of people who don’t have the time or f*cks to give to care a lot about their appearance. There are even more people who don’t have the money to invest a lot into their looks. But somehow, my brain does not register these people. I automatically filter these ‘average’ people out, and only see the very good looking people, because those are the wants I want to compare myself with.

I think this is something a human brain does when you move to another country or even continent. It is human to want to fit in, to compare yourself to others, and see how you relate to society. And it doesn’t help that the only people I am comparing myself to, are people I only see in public or on social media.

Compare to reality

Because this is a very unfair comparison. I don’t know these people, so I don’t know how much time and money it costs them to look like this. I don’t know what they look like without make up, waking up in the morning with a hangover. I haven’t seen them at their worst. But I do know my my worst looks like. So in a way, I am comparing my worst, with their best. And that’s simply disastrous for the ego.

This is also why in The Netherlands, I feel a lot more secure and confident. I have my friends and family there, so I much more compare myself (or measure myself up to) ‘my crowd’. And these are people I know through and through, who I’ve seen without make up, crying, with a hangover, in the absolute worst hours of their lives. And I fit right in there with them!

Add an unhealthy dosis of perfectionism to the mix and you get what most rational people would simply call a purely poisonous mindset. I am so hard on myself that I say and think things about myself that I would never say about my friends. And the worst thing is: no one else really cares what I look like. I’m literally my own worst enemy.

But hey, I’m working on it. Life outside of everything you know comes with weird plot twists I guess. I will practice talking a little bit more kind to my own reflection. And always remember: don’t compare yourself with people you don’t even know!

xx Coco

How I lost myself in the US

Deep ✨, Expat/travel 🌍

When we moved to Dallas, I was not scared of forgetting who I was. I’ve been on a spiritual and self-development journey for years now, so it never crossed my mind that this move would be hard on my self image. I always knew it was going to be hard emotionally, physically and socially. But in the core, I know who I am. And I will always be fine, at any place, right? RIGHT?!

I guess I underestimated how much of an effect leaving my job, friends, family and pretty much everything familiar would have. And now I’m writing it down it feels like ‘duh, what else did you think?!’. But I actually thought that everything would be fine. That I’d always be fine. And I am.

But trying to make it as a Youtuber, adjusting to the Texan people and lifestyle, while staying true to myself and knowing my worth is harder than I thought. I know I’m trying to do a job that is wayyy out of my comfort zone at the same time. (Because no – Youtube is NOT easy. At all.) And while it’s only human to want to fit in with the locals, let me explain why the American culture makes it hard.

Fakeness

Many people in Dallas have done plastic surgery, or at least botox and fillers. Many do expensive facials pretty frequently and have lash extensions, and pretty much all women have the long fake nails. And while I’m into beauty and taking care of my looks, I’m not into one of all those things. I don’t want to fall into the trap of spending a lot of money on looks while real beauty (and worth) is on the inside.

But it is really hard to try and do a job that focusses to much on your exterior (I mean, I am basically either filming or film-editing my own face all day every day) as a ‘natural’ 30-year old, while so many other girls in the business are in their twenties AND had a lot of work done. I’m truly trying to embrace my eye bags, starting wrinkles and not-so-plump lips, but that’s kind of a challenge when I don’t see anyone else (I admire) who also had them!

And this fakeness translates into conversations as well as looks. Americans seem very used to pretending to be more than they are. Showing what they have in hopes it assumes that they have even more. Many people spend all their money on luxuries while not even having savings or back-up plans. They are good at pluffing up a whole lot of nothing to fit in. Which I guess brings me to the next point.

What is succes?

Second of all, success is a really weird standard here in the USA. I guess it has something to do with the American dream, but it feels like I have found two ‘American truths’ so far that everyone is trying to live by. The first: You should be successful. Life is only worth living if you’re successful. You’re succes is in your own hands so why aren’t you successful? The second: Succes equals money and looks, okay. Nothing else.

And on one hand I admire the simpleness of that American way of living. At least we are all trying to work hard for our money and be pretty and healthy, right? But the downside to this is I guess what we more generally relate to the human condition. I mean: What’s up with happiness? Where does worthiness ‘no matter what you do or don’t do’ fit in? And what if I tried really hard to build a life where I can be ugly and lazy? Would that not count as succesful?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I miss some individualistic diversity here. In Europe (or at least the Netherlands) we care a lot more about what YOU like to be and do, even if it’s not what I like to be and do. We care about your wellbeing, we care about your individual dreams. If you don’t want to make a lot of money, fine! If you want to sit on your ass and be fat, great! You do you. And if your life fits what you personally would describe as success, you’ve made it. Congratulations. Even if that means you’re not rich and pretty. And I miss that here.

You’re bound to fail

Last but not least, somehow all the systems here seem to be built on the large chance that you’ll fail. They are built on people’s ignorance, their inabilities, the great chances of the odds not being in their favor. The whole money system is built on the idea of loans and debts. The craziest part is: the ones with the most debt (while paying them all in time) have the most money to spend. The whole job system is built on the premise that you can be fired today if you do anything wrong at all.

The ideal is to make it as a successful and pretty person, and this is everybody’s drive to stay focused and work hard, while only 1% of humanity can actually live that life. The irony is that if 99% of the American people wouldn’t fail the way they are set up to (by having a lot of debt, losing their job quickly, or simply not having the privileges, etc.) the 1% could never be that rich OR pretty! The people that we all aspire to be, are the people that need that large group of ‘losers’ the most. Society is build by and for the rich and pretty, but is run and kept alive by the people who could never make it in.

And while I (being Dutch) can only observe this whole theater from a distance, and enjoy it on the moment the odds are in my favor – because, I am, one of the privileged people, I do realize – it weighs on me to see society work this way. I feel that it is built on the premise that I will fail. I feel that others are failing because of it.

How I will find myself again

I know that I am a Scorpio and I will have a rebirth very soon. I don’t even have to try and make that happen – it’s in my DNA to always transform and undergo whatever life throws at me. I can cry in the light and I can smile at darkness. Because in the hardship of life is where magic happens for me.

And I am kind of learning to be okay with not always knowing who I am, and not always fitting in. A lot of spiritual leaders would actually be very proud if they saw how fulfilled I am in this black box I now call my identity. In some ways, I identify with the American people. Because apart from what I painted above, they are very kind, empathetic, enthusiastic people with a true passion for life and pulling each other up. In other ways, I don’t relate to their way of living at all.

So I guess that makes for the sweet spot I’m living in today. I still have the morals and values that I had in the Netherlands, while learning from the perks the USA has to offer. And I’m not done learning from this country yet!

xx Coco

The things that remind me of ✨ in Texas

Deep ✨, Expat/travel 🌍

We’re a month in since moving to Dallas, TX. And though I feel like I’ve been in survival mode for the past few weeks (which is also why it took me so long to write a new blog), I do feel like there has been some spiritual elements in my life. I have not actively looked for them, so most of them came from the environment of Texas itself. Because, as weird as this may sound to many of you: I find the Texan grounds to be highly, highly magical. Let me explain.

The weather

The first thing that makes me feel so good here is the weather. Although Texas does have cold (but luckily short) winters, we arrived at the beginning of summer so are in for some HEAT. The sun almost always shines when I wake up, and that puts me in the best mood.

But even better are the consequences of this heat: the smell of summer from the moment you wake up, the heat rays on the roads, the exotic plants and animals that can live here – and the constant reminder that once this land was inhabited by natives only.

The animals

Because of these exotic temperatures, the animals that live in Texas are of course way different from the ones we have in The Netherlands. And I’m not saying that the animals are more sacred here (because all animals are), but somehow these new breeds of everything remind me of how special and magical all these creatures are.

For example, we have birds that look like crows here, except they make a tropical parrot-like noise, have long tails and their feathers have a blue or brown glow (depends on the gender I think?) when they catch the sun. So amazing! I also see dogs, squirrels, hawks and turtles super often.

The kindness

Southern hospitality is a real thing. I don’t know whether it’s the amount of sun Texans get that puts EVERYBODY in a great mood, but the people here are just so. Nice. I was expecting a shallow kind of nice – the American way of asking how are you without waiting for the actual answer. But I have seen a sincerity and authenticity here that I don’t get from many Dutch people back home.

So many people welcome us to the USA and Texas. People I don’t even know have commented on my bravery to move here and start a Youtube channel (which by the way, you can subscribe to here). And I love it! Of course, there is also a real talent for bragging and blowing things up here, but the kindness of so many people here has really humbled me in the past few weeks.

The living on the edge

And last but not least, Texans have a way of living on the edge. When I expected to love some elements of living here, I was expecting myself to add ‘despite the cowboy-culture, unsafe traffic and social/political issues’. And of course, I still struggle accepting and watching these issues everyday. I wish Texas took better care of its lower classes, had safer roads and cared more for human rights (in the most general sense of the word).

But all these downsides are starting to feel like the flip side of all that makes Texas so beautiful. Somehow it seems to me that the raw and risky way people live their lives here is so much more REAL than trying to minimize all possible negativities in life. In some probably messed-up way, Cowboy-culture seems a lot more alive to me than maximized security and (seemingly) risk-free living.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: in Texas, there are less rules, less security, less governmental interference, and less (limiting) social norms than what I’m used to. And this creates a vibe of endless chances, freedom, living on the edge and taking (and applauding!) new possibilities.

I guess we’ve landed in a pretty good place. It’s hard not to love Texas! Have a great day,

xx Coco

Life is NOT supposed to be comfortable

Deep ✨

As some of you know, I am moving to Dallas, Texas next month. While I am currently pretty excited, I could also be really scared and uncomfortable to leave my safe home in the Netherlands and start a new adventure. So why aren’t I?

Why choose the unknown?!

I have talked about this subject with many friends and family, of course. And while many of them reacted very positive and called this a new adventure for us, some were also quite wary, or didn’t understand why we would choose to turn our comfortable life around for something unknown.

And of course, with a big life change like this one, you can expect the usual struggles. For example, I already know that there are going to be moments where I really miss my friends and family, get really annoyed with American things I probably will never understand, or just feel a plain regret for even moving there in the first place.

But right now, my main mindset about these moments is: they too shall pass. And life isn’t supposed to be comfortable a 100% of the time.

It makes us grow

Because stepping out of our comfort zone, taking chances, and sometimes even being blatantly unhappy makes us grow. These are probably the moments that will make me say ‘I’m so glad we did this’ in the future. Life is supposed to be hard sometimes. And this is no reason to refrain from making changes, or live the life that excites you.

Sometimes I feel like we are used to avoiding pain and discomfort, because we are so used to having the illusion of control. For example, I could stay in the Netherland because I am not willing to take the risk of being unhappy with my decision of moving abroad. But who says life here will stay safe and comfortable? I can become perfectly miserable at home as well! And even then: sometimes life is sitting in your sadness, crying it out, without trying to ‘fix’ it as quickly as possible.

I get it: it doesn’t feel nice. But life isn’t supposed to feel nice all the time. Life sometimes is supposed to feel really, really, shitty. And allowing it to feel that way.

Certain can be shit too

The idea of knowing what we have, but being uncertain about what we could gain is completely false. Or at least – only the second part is true. We indeed don’t know what we could gain by taking chances, but the bright side is: you will know after you try. However, we don’t what we have if we stay the same. Because we can stay the same, but life simply doesn’t.

The reasons you are so happy and comfortable with your current life can change in a heartbeat. What if that colleague you are so close with finds another job? What if your dream home has underlying flaws? I don’t want to scare you, but shit happens all the time in your life too. The main point of your happiness is how you deal with the highs and lows of life itself.

And small reminder: they can be dealt with literally in any place, anywhere, at any time.

xx Coco